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MARRIAGE TRENDS

The United States is on pace to have more than 40 million weddings in 2022. The pandemic lockdowns and social distancing requirements has created a two year backlog in couples who want to have a reasonable ceremony and reception. Also, the isolation and lack of social interaction at work or in social circles has created a wave of partnerships of convenience: couples who have gotten together to ease the loneliness, despair and melancholy of being home alone.

Marriage was one of the earliest forms of economic mergers. It was said that two people could live better than one. Economy of scale; saving on housing costs; higher joint income; status. In agricultural societies, marriage was the community engine to create a bigger and more stable work force through children.

But after the Industrial Revolutions and certain levels of economic equality, men and women have different values than their grandparents. More and more women love their careers more than dating a man with the expectation of marriage and children. The freedom to live one's own life without the duties and burdens of taking care of another human being is somewhat appealing to people whose social skills have diminished in the rise of digital world building.

The whole wedding concept can be surreal. In Asia, there has been a surge of celebrity wedding announcements. Star fandoms have gone parasocial on the news - - - living their ideal romance vicariously through celebrity news. The public spotlight on celebrity couples is daunting: it creates stress, privacy violations and security issues. Stars are stalked at their wedding and their honeymoon. It has to take an emotional toll.

There are always doubts and fears. The honeymoon blues is real. The fantasy, bliss, infatuation, affection, attention and passion for your partner suddenly wears off after the honeymoon when reality sets in; the rose colored glasses are lifted to see annoying flaws, personality traits and sadness. New pressures to harmonize two families and start your own can be daunting to working couples. This is why even in countries that used to have low divorce rates (because it was dishonorable to break up), the divorce rate continues to be 50 percent in industrialized nations. For every bride who marries over the age of 32, statistics show another 5 percent chance per year to the divorce rate. A woman who marries for the first time at 40 may have up to an 80 percent chance of divorce. It is simple: the longer you lead a single life, the harder it is to change your ways. The same goes for one's partner. There will always be a power struggle over all aspects of the relationship, from finances to living arrangements; from time together to time being alone. Friend circles suddenly become fractured and previous support may be weakened which sows the seeds of resentment.

It is not all doom and gloom. Some people put off marriage to build up enough wealth and experience to find a great match.

A bride gets full attention, admiration and praise on her wedding day. A white gown represents innocence and purity. It is the ancient way to break away from her parents nest (home) to start her own. But polls and interviews show that most couples are too exhausted from planning, working and hosting their wedding to consummate their marriage on their wedding night. The honeymoon is supposed to be joyous time away from the distractions of life but in many instances it reveals the cracks in the relationship's foundation. Many couples before marriage try to avoid potential conflict. One is going to a sleep clinic to determine with one or both have annoying or destructive sleep habits such as snoring, restlessness, insomnia or night terrors. Others go to fortune tellers to read the stars to determine if they are truly compatible. Some of these pre-marital rituals are to calm nerves before the storm. Forgo arguments and unspoken secrets when it is too late.

The biggest issue is fitting in while still trying to maintain yourself. Everyone is on their best behavior during dating because the end game is sexual relations. Women do not want to give it away; they like to be chased and won over. They do not want to be considered easy. Men are more animalistic--- the push pull flirtation and touch can be frustrating to manage. But it does weed out the players from the committed ones.

And that is the problem with Oneitis. It is the social dogma that there is The One, the one true person for you. Your soul mate. The person who completes you. It is a romantic fantasy as old as Victorian literature on the means and benefits of romance. People are still wrapped up with the fantasy of perfect lovers finding each other by fate. But relationship therapists say that couples who are totally blinded by this perception as they walk down the aisle are doomed to fail. Infatuation and fantasy images of a partner during dating mask their flaws, their bad behavior and cloud one's judgment. It is a shock waking up one morning in bed with a literal stranger.

It does not mean all is lost. If a couple goes into marriage with similar goals, values and plans it should work well. The biggest thing is communication. Couples who have good communication skills can weather any arguments without doing permanent damage. But again, some partners have hidden their opinions and true self during dating process in order to groom, control or make a person fall in love with them. Toxic relationships are increasing because more and more people are seeing through the manipulation in time to re-evaluate their relationship before it is too late.

The hardest thing to manage is expectations. No matter what is said or done, partners may still have different expectations about the marital journey. What the roles each person is to play. What are the duties and responsibilities. What is acceptable behavior - - like drinking with your friends on weeknights instead of staying at home Netflix and chillin'?

To all the couples who say I Do, as they say in lottery marketing campaigns, you cannot win unless you play. Besides open communication, the one way to keep the passion alive after the honeymoon is a simple thing lost to most couples: continue dating. Most couples just stop dating after marriage. They get caught up in their new roles. But the reason for dating, getting to know the other person and to have fun memories, should never grow old. But apparently it does. In many industrialized countries where divorce was taboo, the silver separators, couples over age 55 are divorcing at the highest rate. The reason why the elderly give up on their marriage (some being married as long as 40 years) is that the spouse is drunk, distant, unemployed or the person does not want to become a full time caregiver if he or she gets very sick. Some people would rather end it before death because the institutional duties have worn them out. Marriage is not easy; it takes effort and understanding to make it work long term. But in our current culture of instant gratification, self importance and reality TV nonsense, it is harder to find reasons to stay together during hard times. And maybe that is why the idea of dying alone is no longer a big motivator for people to get married. Singles can live a fulfilling life with their own family, good friends and a rewarding career and hobbies.

Nations still tout, and even pay for young couples to marry. It is because their national birth rates have plunged to below replacement level. Aging populations means a smaller working class generation to pay for their parents retirement and welfare benefits. The vicious circle of a double burden on workers paints a bleak enough picture to think twice about taking care of a spouse when you retire into an unfunded retirement system. Countries need babies to bolster their economies because babies need all the basics (food, shelter, clothes, education, etc.). Babies have the best chance to succeed in a marital home, with two parents support and attention.

There are a few, mostly brides, who have dreamed about their wedding since they were a little child. They have their perfect wedding and reception but then break up as early as the honeymoon. Is this a narcissistic, selfish, fraudulent, childish behavior? Of course, but it is the conflict between the joy and pride of being the center of attention as a bride or groom versus the burden of living the rest of your life with a potential stranger who will anchor your freedom and independence that you do not want to lose. On a backstabbing scale, it is still not as bad as throwing your spouse overboard on a honeymoon cruise in order to collect the life insurance money.

The bottom line is that marriage is not for everyone eventhough 70 percent of all world marriages are arranged (by families or matchmakers). There are more individual opportunities for singles now than there has been in the past. Just as celebrity couples cannot hide from public scrutiny, normal couples also have family and peer pressure spotlights shining on their every move. But advertisers still know how to tug a heart string by showing an elderly couple walking hand in hand down a cherry blossom pathway as the ultimate sales pitch. Good luck to all, and all a good life.

iToons

cyberbarf

BARF BAGS COMMENTARY

Some people have too much money *cough cough* Elon*. The last person you want to champion freedom of speech is Musk. No one knows what his end game is. . . then again, should we even care?

Sanctions against Russia continue to mount. But the biggest face slap is not allowing Russia into the World Cup, the largest global nationalistic sport. It really has surpassed the politically corrupt Olympics as the most viewed spectator sport in the world. However, if you treat all the crazy dictators and criminal nations the same, then the tournament would shrink to around 16 teams.

Who wants to travel? Apparently, a lot of people. Airline ticket prices have skyrocketed due to high demand and lesser scheduled flights. The pandemic crippled the airline industry and tourism in general. Office workers now use zoom conferences instead of business flights to conduct client meetings. Families did not go cross country to theme parks because they were essentially closed. People just want to be able to get out of their houses and get back to normal. But the old travel complex is not ready: workers have not returned to their jobs, product costs have taken toll on amenities, and new attractions were put on hold.

Very few people realize that the U.S. has started its primary and election cycle heading toward November. Apathy is the death knell of many a democracy and the U.S. has been so burnt out by the Trump era, and COVID controls to care less about mid-term elections.

cyberbarf

FOUND BUT NOT LOST ON THE INTERNET

This popped up on our feed. It seems spot on in today's culture.

Source: facebook

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THE WHETHER REPORT

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STATUS

Question: Whether the lack of EU back bone to stop Russia in the Ukraine War will make China more aggressive in Asia?

* Educated Guess

* Possible

* Probable

* Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

* Doubtful

* Vapor Dream

Question: Whether the push for all electric vehicles will get the MZ generation interested in buying cars?

* Educated Guess

* Possible

* Probable

* Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

* Doubtful

* Vapor Dream

Question: Whether Netflix's subscription loss be an omen for other streaming platforms?

* Educated Guess

* Possible

* Probable

* Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

* Doubtful

* Vapor Dream

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